Half developed, not confident, heres what i think
A page in the diary ""
Written by happin3ss Oct 2 2008 11:18 PM
Hello,
I have had depression since when i was 13 years of age. Im nineteen now, and throughout those years i have had many ups and downs. I missed alot of school, but scraped by my exams fairly well, and now im doing an accountancy diploma. However, when i went to holland village today, and saw the teenagers there, i felt so different. They converse with others easily and confidently, proudly wearing school shirts or various affiliated sports attire, and are generally amiable and at ease with others and themselves.
I think i must be green with envy. I feel that parts of me are half developed, and not possessed of the self-knowledge that many of my age has aquired through a whole range of experiences in school, with friends, and other activities. I think that is why i feel unsure of myself around others. Ironically, this keeps me from interacting more with what friends i have, even though i want to, and thus worsen my condition.
Whatever my past has been, i know i have cause to be thankful. I have a wonderfully loving family, O-K looks, and a good head on my shoulders. These gruelling years has also beaten my character and attitude into a less arrogant and more humble shape. Thank you God for these blessings, and i pray that may you continue your good work in me.
Though sometimes i still feel overwhelmed, and start wishing the " if onlys ". It would be good to have a companion to just sit with you and watch the world go by over a hot cuppa no? :)