Feel the fear and Do it Anyway (Part 4a)
A page in the diary "Accept, Adapt and Appreciate: How?"
Written by nw4m Jul 3 2008 11:25 AM
I think the topic below is rather interesting and important to me. I hope it helps some of you to think things through too. ^^
Choosing Love and Trust (Chp 10)
Do you consider yourself a giving person? Think about it for a moment.
…most of us in our society do not really know how to give. Most of us operate on a hidden barter system. Few genuinely ever give anything away without expecting something in return – money, appreciation, love or whatever.
You might be saying, “What’s wrong with getting back?”
My answer is, “Nothing.” However:
If all your “Giving” is about “Getting”,
think how fearful you will become.
More than likely the question will soon become, “Am I getting back enough!”
This kind of thinking sets up an incredible need to control others so you won’t feel short-changed, destroys your peace of mind and creates anger and resentment.
Now you can see what’s wrong with “getting” being the most important motivation for “giving”. In fact:
Genuine giving is not only altruistic;
it also makes us feel better
One of the most important lessons one has to learn in life is how to give, and
As babies we represent the ultimate of neediness. We come into this world as total takers. We have to take, or we will die.
Our survival is tied up with the world nurturing us. We give little back. We don’t care what time we wake our parents when we are hungry, or how loudly we scream and bother the neighbours when we want to be picked up.
Yes, parents often get a feeling of joy from the smile or the touch of their child and, in that sense, the child is a giver – but I doubt if the child spent the night pondering: “My life is abundant. I have so much to give away that I think I’ll reward my parents with a great big smile tomorrow morning.” No, their “gift” is on a rather primitive or reflexive level.
…What can be more frightening than depending on someone else for one’s survival?
As fearful adults, we ask the same questions we did as a child. Will they go away and not come back? Will they stop loving me? Will they take care of me? Will they get sick and die? As adults, we ask these questions about our friends, bosses, parents, and even children.
People who fear can’t genuinely give. They are imbued with a deep-seated sense of scarcity in the world, as if there wasn’t enough to go around.
..Usually fear in one area of our lives generalises, and we become closed down and protective in many areas of our lives. Fearful people can be visualised as crouched and hugging themselves.
Whereas this image represents the inner state of all frightened people, the outer manifestation can take on many forms:
Housewives who blame their husbands or children for the fact that they never lived their own lives.
Independent career women who demand so much from their men that they are often alone.
Men who can’t tolerate their wives’ independence.
Company executives who make harmful, irresponsible decisions.
They are all in some way operating out of a sense of fear for their own survival. They all are, in effect, crouched and withholding inside.
…We have been taught the illusion of giving, but not the actuality of giving. As we have been taught to be careful in terms of our physical safety, we have also been taught not to let anyone con us or take advantage of us. As a result, unless we get something back, we feel used.
This is not to say that we can’t enjoy what comes back to us, and paradoxically:
When we give from a place of love, rather than from a place of expectation, more usually comes back to us than we could ever have imagined.
But if we are constantly expecting, we will spend a great deal of our lives disappointed that the world isn’t treating us right.