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How to find happiness (from a friend)

A page in the diary "Accept, Adapt and Appreciate: How?"
Written by nw4m Aug 29 2008 10:31 AM

I met up with a friend this Tuesday and this is my first time seeing him in person.

I asked him how he got to where he is now, being confident with himself, and getting to know a new girlfriend after his previous break-up.

He jotted this down when I went to buy lunch:

1) Know what you want

2) Be willing to pay the price

3) Do it / Go out and get it

4) Live your life the way where you can live happily without what you want. Cherish what you already have (detachment).

5) Cherish what you have once you get it.

If this is the order in which one finds lasting happiness, then I wonder when I would really succeed. My friend told me he took 10 years. But he's really a smart, brave and determined guy.

Do I have what it takes?

I told him I have been searching since I was in kindergarten and I still don't get what I want or what I need.

I feel really hopeless...I feel like giving up...cos I really don't know how to live my way happily without what I want...sometimes what I want is actually a need and sometimes what I need is actually a want....

I posted his guidelines (which he came to realise on his own based on his life experiences thus far) so that even if I lack the necessary conditions to succeed at the end of my life, I hope that others would be able to try these guidelines and succeed on their own one day.

If for whatever reasons, I can't succeed in getting what I want or need, I hope others will succeed because I hope for others to be happy.

It's much better or less selfish to think and feel this way till I die than to scorn at or be jealous at the strength and perseverance of others in finding their own happiness.

May all be happy and peaceful even though I am not.

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Comments from the community:

hi,after reading your post i think you're quite nice in wishing well for others and not many do. I'm different as I had always been jealous abt people who seem to be happier than me.I used to get jealous of pple around me who are better and luckier than me in studies,family life,relationship etc and I get more depressed seeing them like this.But I realize that happiness means different things to them,like they are attached and have a steady job and this is enough to make them happy but not me.And jealousy worsens my condition and i cant sleep every night.
Anyway,you can be confident too and dont wish for others to be happy. u must also be happy n you have the right to..
Take care!

Written by soullalone, Aug 31 2008 01:56 PM

Hi soullalone,

Thanks for your kind words of encouragement.

I am still dealing with jealousy and therefore, somehow, I can sort of feel and understand the struggles going through in minds of others like you and me.

You have acknowledged that jealousy worsens your condition and does not allow you to sleep well at night. As a friend, this is good news to me!

Why?

Not many people are willing to be honest with themselves as to what is really troubling them and what they REALLY want. If one cannot go past the first and most basic stage of correctly identifying and acknowledging one's flaws or unhealthy thoughts and feelings, then it would not be so easy to speak of attaining true peace and happiness in one's life.

I wonder how you have been coping with jealousy now and your other life issues now, since you speak of jealousy in both past and present tenses.

Is there any personal experience you could share with us in your own post about your feelings of jealousy, how you are coping with, etc?

You don't have to answer me if you don't wish to share too much here.

You take care too, soullalone. ^_^

Written by nw4m, Sep 1 2008 02:16 AM

It's been a long time that I felt envious of other people. Used to be envious of people with "status", or higher education...etc. I have stopped struggling inside of myself. I don't have a high position nor lot's of money. I am just a small fry. Hmmm... Because I stopped struggling, I felt happier. I have less stress and more time to myself. I have a nice boss. I have my family and my doting husband. I have my friends. One word of advice, you cannot have everything you want or need and there is actually no difference between want and need, in every situation you are in there are good and bad. There will never be perfection. Just like I am not perfect. Just think of the positive and do not dwell in the negative. There are seasons for everything, what you want now you may get in another season. Be patient.

Written by emmanuel, Sep 19 2008 07:10 PM

dear nw4m

happiness belongs to some1 who really understand the meaning of hapiness..
it belongs to those who hearts feel with love n concern..
it belongs to some1 with a kind heart..
n i believe that u are 1 of them...u are so deserve to earn happiness..
just believe in the true mening of love n hapinness..it come back to u just like boomerang...

love nana :)

Written by pinkfly, Oct 15 2008 06:06 PM