Book review: Rage (Part 3a)
A page in the diary "Accept, Adapt and Appreciate: How?"
Written by nw4m Dec 3 2007 12:06 PM
Chapter 7:Shame-Based Rage
Shame
Shame is both a feeling and a belief. The feeling is very unpleasant.
People usually talk about noticing their faces getting red, wanting to run away but finding themselves virtually paralysed, being unable to maintain eye contact with anyone, losing all their strength and becoming incredibly weak and powerless, feeling totally exposed to people's scrutiny and criticism, and collapsing inside into nothingness.
This feeling can be almost unendurable. That's why people find ways to make it go away,, including converting shame into rage.
The belief that goes with shame is that somehow you are defective. Broken. Useless. Flawed. Damaged goods. Ugly. Worthless.
The deeper the shame, the more this damage seems impossible to mend.
Eventually, powerfully shamed people come to believe these messages:
- "I'm no good."
- "I am not good enough."
- "I am unlovable."
- "I don't belong."
- "I should not exist."
These are terribly damaging messages. People who think this way about themselves suffer. They see themselves as total losers.
Shame affects people's behaviour as well. Strongly shamed people tend to avoid others. That's because they are sure everyone else will see all their flaws.
They might not want to talk about themselves either, for the same reason. ..they may also be very touchy, making them unpredictable and difficult to live with.
Shame also has a spiritual component. Deeply shamed individuals often feel cut off from spiritual support.
Judging themselves as unworthy of love and respect, they think of themselves as God's mistake. Consequently, they often feel empty inside.
_______________________________________________
Next on part 3b: Taming Shame-based Rage