Book Review: Manage Your Mind - The Mental Fitness Guide (Part 2)
A page in the diary "Accept, Adapt and Appreciate: How?"
Written by nw4m Dec 23 2007 01:55 PM
Build up supportive relationships
Being able to confide in someone else, whether a relative, partner, or friend, is one of the most important forms of protection from becoming depressed when something bad happens.
If you do not have a close relationship, or if your friends do not provide you with the kind of emotional support which helps to protect you from depression, then it will be useful to look at how you could begin to build up such supports.
Building up such supportive relationships takes time and effort. It does not happen overnight, and when it seems difficult, it helps to remember it can be done at any stage of life and there are always many steps on the way.
Here are some examples of how you can get started.
Step 1: Meeting new people.
Seek out places where you will come across people with similar interests or hobbies. Make contact with neighbours. Get involved with local political or voluntary groups. Join a club.
Step 2: Building a friendship.
Friendships flourish on shared experience, especially shared activities and shared pleasures. Think of things you can do together with new friends.
Step 3: Consolidating a friendship.
Keep in touch. Regular contact helps, and so does remembering about other people’s concerns and becoming a good listener as well as a good talker (See Chapter 13).
Step 4: Keep your friendships in good working order.
Look for ways of show you care – in good times as well as bad. Do what you can when others are in trouble. Tolerate their moments of bad temper or silence.
Step 5: Using your friendships for support.
Do not run away from people when you are depressed.
Try to keep in contact even if you feel less outgoing than at other times or embarrassed about imposing yourself on them. Low moments are so common that many other people will know how you feel. Many different kinds of relationships, not just intimate ones, can be supportive.
A supportive relationship must not be a smothering one. We need our own space, our own independence and autonomy, as well as support.
Think about your key relationships. Are any “too supportive”, giving you too little of your own independent time? If so, you need to negotiate a change (Chapter 15) in order to find the best balance between support and independence.
A lack of independence can be a particular problem for elderly people, especially when they are unwell and forced to depend on others. In these circumstances, retrieving as much independence and autonomy as possible may be the best protection against future depression.
If you are trying to help a close friend in this situation, be careful not to do too much, and not to take over. Listen and try to understand, but continue to foster a sense of autonomy and a feeling of being in control.
Recognise the danger signs of depression early
Depression is often the result of a vicious downward spiral of thoughts and feelings.
For most people who have recurrent bouts of depression, there is a pattern. The depression starts with some negative experience, or negative thoughts, or the beginning of feeling down. These thoughts and feeling persist and get steadily worse until the depression has taken hold. It is much easier to prevent this downward spiral if the problems are dealt with early.
What are the early signs, for you, that you are becoming depressed? It may be waking in the morning earlier than normal, feeling low. Or it may be ruminating on a negative experience earlier in your life, or it may be finding that you no longer seem to enjoy your work, or your leisure as much. Or it may be something else.
Can you identify some of your early warning signs? If you can then plan how you will take action, and put your plan into action as soon as you notice them. Put into practice the ways of dealing with depression that work best for you.
..Talk with your friends; break up the patterns of negative thinking; look after yourself.
Recent studies have shown that mindfulness meditation, combined with some of the ideas from cognitive therapy, can make a relapse less likely
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Thanks for reading!