IMH's future patient could be
A page in the diary "Accept, Adapt and Appreciate: How?"
Written by nw4m Jan 29 2008 09:26 PM
I refer to annieluv's post "Living or Dead? There are worse than that...".
Somehow I understand the underlying message behind annieluv's post. No one here, I believe, really wants to end their life prematurely or get warded in IMH deep inside their hearts.
So speaking for myself, I too am someone who likes freedom very much. I wouldn't want to go IMH or end my life too.
However, we have to be prepared for such events to happen to anyone of us here.
I came here to share about myself with others, to feel along with others and encourage one another.
I also came here with the full realisation that I might lose any friend that I have made down here to suicide or any fatal act caused by their mental condition.
This is not being pessimistic or fatalistic. This is recognising the fact of life, which is "whatever can go wrong, will have the chance to go wrong". There are too many things beyond human understanding and intervention, direct or otherwise.
As such, I personally believe that it is due to this realisation about the impermanence of life and matters around us, how fragile and unstable human emotions and relationships are or may one day turn out to be, that I have found myself progressing, bit by bit, in learning to forgive myself and others who have hurt me, real or perceived.
Dear aunt joyce and evermeet, I forgive myself and both of you for what had happened during that time. It was simply unfortunate.
In a way, that incident has proved to me and everyone else here that counselling is not a possible career choice for me. So I'm thankful for having the chance to know myself as I am.
I could be in IMH one day, I could be like annieluv's friend, Peiting one day. I always view every day here or in real-life as my last day (even though it's simply aversion and fear overwhelming me), so I always tend to write as if I will not be seeing anyone here any more. It frightens people, you say. But it frightens me just as well. Perhaps many times more than you or I really know.
Look, the word 'emotional blackmailing' only exists in the minds of those people who can't or don't want to understand why you are behaving like that and thinks you are merely threatening them to gain affection and attention.
Peiting didn't do anything like what I did or said, if any of you still consider what I did or said back then to be emotional blackmailing. She put up a cheerful front, a strong front to us, so that we think however sad or troubled she is, she is still strong or resilient enough to persevere in her struggles with her emotional trauma.
Some would consider that to be lying, some would empathise deeply with her.
But the thing is, will she know? If she does know, what more can she do now to help herself, and to comfort those who really care for her?
Life itself is full of changes; impermanent in nature. We are never fully satisfied with everything all the time. When we do not realise that it is this need to find true and lasting satisfaction that drives us to do all sorts of things, to express our emotions in various ways, we would have achieved some sort of deep awareness of our own inner self; unconscious or hidden to us, but very much alive, very much involved in guiding how we behave or think.
I cherish every day with all of you here. Thanks for all your comments. I feel alive when I think like that.