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A very vicious cycle

A page in the diary "A Vicious Cycle"
Written by Seialeir 27 February 2010 02:52

Today I had a chat with a friend who used to be very close. Some months back, I noticed a conscious effort for her to distance herself away, and admittedly it hurt alot. I guessed her anger stems from a particular project we were working on in the office, where I probably failed my boss and colleagues in many ways due to my inability to give the project due diligence and effort. When this project came about, it was right after my mother slashed her wrist in an attempted suicide. That unfortunate event came about because there were several domestic problems at home and many words exchanged were barbed to inflict hurt. I know I said some things that instigated a huge row between a sibling and myself, which resulted in me being physically beaten. My father screamed that it will be better if I were dead, and that he wants to kill me while landing blows. The police came round and he told them the same thing. When the written statement came round, he left that out of course. Admittedly, I fought back in a less than appropriate manner, and have paid for it since, everyday, every waking moment. Amidst the police, the hospital, medication, the social welfare and psychiatric help needed for my mother, I probably didn't realise I was sinking lower and lower in my opinion of myself and everything I was doing. When I was assigned the project soon after, I didn't have any heart left to bother with anything outside what was happening to me. I was sad. I still am.
I received harsh criticism from colleagues and it made me feel even worse. I tried blocking it out, but I was irritable, ill tempered, sad and lonely so it didn't get me very far. I get into moods when the negativity overwhelms me and sometimes I thought I'll never be able to stop crying. I had thought my good friend who was also in the project to be understanding of my predicament, but the conversation today threw all that off. I cannot blame her for being work conscious, she is responsible like that. But what upset me were the words that she wasn't comfortable being associated with me when it came to work and believed I wasn't helping myself when she didn't talk to me for months and barely understood what was really going on in my head. And it wasn't work like she said, because she didn't talk to me too even outside of it. I was told a lot of colleagues are criticizing me and as much as she doesn't want to participate, she cannot help but agree.
I wanted to die, I wanted more than anything to be happy, to perform at work, to be what I used to be but better. I really really do. It upsets me more than anything that I find it hard to achieve what I so easily achieved before. The disappointment is reflected in the faces of everyone I know. I am a failure.
I have troubled sleep, I sleep at 11, wake at 1, then am awake till 6 before sleeping again. I wake up more tired than before, I turn up at work late and I cannot focus. I am contemplating resignation because I feel I've let down the company. I want to leave because it has become a hostile environment for me. And while I used to be good at some things, I am terrible at everything now.

Comments from the community

see the doc for u are suffering from mild depression. pull up ur boots and get down to work , get support if u are not able to perform due to depression but never give up cos its only temporary.

Written by cheerful, 27 February 2010 05:04

Hi seialeir

Welcome to the depnet community. =)

I feel the hurt you are feeling when you were writing this post.

You had hoped that a close friend of yours who is also a fellow colleague, would understand your condition better than anyone else. But somehow you couldn't help but feel disappointed by what she had said to you in the recent chat with her.

Another disappintment comes in the form of you not being able to give a good work performance as easily as you did before. It's indeed upsetting for anyone in your shoes, or least for me.

Please seek help, seialeir.

Here are some of those help channels that you may wish to consider approaching:

SAMH Counselling Services

Tel: 1800-2837019
Email: counsellor@samhealth.org.sg

Opening hours: Mondays to Fridays, 9am – 1pm & 2pm – 6pm

Open to people with psychological, psychiatric and other social or relationship problems Face to face Counselling - Individual or Marital/Family

SOS - Samaritans of Singapore

Other services: 1. Face to Face counselling - For client in crisis including those facing grief or loss issues. 2. Online email counselling service

Tel: 1800-221 4444 (24 hours)
Email: pat@samaritans.org.sg
Web: www.samaritans.org.sg/index1.html

It does not mean you are anything less by approaching the above mental health professionals. It's just that you need a good listening ear from people who are more likely to understand. They are also more likely to have the means to refer you to channels which can address your concerns directly and quickly.

Your good work performance will come back once you have addressed your main emotional issues.

Your work experience will not be lost. You are now affected by various things in your life and hence your mind needs something else to help it to feel relaxed and focused.

You can do it. You can help yourself.

Do update us on how it went for you after approaching for help.

You are also free to share your thoughts and feelings with us even though for some reasons you don't wish to seek help yet.

We will be here to listen. You are not alone.

Take care, seialeir. =)

Written by nw4m, 27 February 2010 10:32

Alternatively, you may also approach your nearby polyclinic to refer you to a counsellor/psychologist/psychiatrist at subsidised rates.

Help is available. You can be happy again. =)

Written by nw4m, 27 February 2010 10:35

cheerful, you're not being rational.

Seialier, the hurt and pain, so deep that it cuts through your heart. One breath released and held till next, you're gasping for oxygen.

Written by MightyJoe, 28 February 2010 00:23

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a really tough time.
I believe strength also lies in knowing our limits and being bold enough to respect them.

The first step is of course to seek professional help.
If you have done that and are still feeling overwhelmed to the extent of not functioning or contemplating untoward actions, perhaps consider taking a break from work.

If your financial circumstance allows it, you could try to talk to your management to see whether they would be agreeable to you taking a sabbatical (e.g. for 3 months).
You could apologise for your lack of concentration lately and state clearly that it was not your intention to put in any less than your best but that you have been trying to manage a family crisis. Requesting for the break could be conveyed as your approach to being responsible - to sort out home affairs during the break and to return to work after the break with a clear head.

Written by hypomaniac, 28 February 2010 01:58

Hi Seialeir,
I am sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time. You must be feeling so upset, and that by ending your life is only the solution.

But not,to be truthful enough,I feel that you are a very brave person. And i believe that the rest of the members agree with that.

How amazing is that you had actually come so far, with the facts that everyone in the family are "contributing" the stress. And you had done well, by not running away from the problems and u actually face it. Like you went through the whole episode when the police came, and despite knowing that your dad is not going to be honest about what he had said to you previously, you are brave enough to witness everything.

As for the current job,don't feel that you are a failure. With problems at home, you had managed to turn up for work and trying your best to finish up the work.
And that what upset you was,most of your colleagues were criticizing you. Maybe you can try to ignore them, by telling them through the way you turn up for work. Pick a lovely clothes that you used to wear it when you are happy, and That's they are going to be surprised, because they never expect that you can do well by turning up, and probably of gossiping about your performance, they might focused on the way you dressed. That's they are changing a topic they are going to talk about during their next round of gossiping session. Dont feel sad, because i can tell you that you are a very nice and kind person. See, you didn't hurt anyone, when everyone is hurting you.

So today, you might want to pen it down about one good things about yourself?
You are a brave person!

belle.

Written by belle, 28 February 2010 12:57

don't be too bothered with what people say.. people can say whatever everybody is entitled to their own opinion what you think matter most. be positive always. hope you are feeling better right now

Written by Anonymous, 05 March 2010 22:03