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Hang on there turquoise.

Strong weird dreams do come up from time to time, when our mental state is not at ease, especially when life gets stressful, or when you remember bad things in the past. Such dreams also come when our minds go to the negative mode for a period of time without us wanting it to. Dreams are useful in telling you your present mental and emotional state. I understand how you feel as I have such dreams from time to time.

It's good if you can catch yourself whenever you are in negative mode. Not easy at first, it needs practice. There are times when my thoughts start to spiral downwards without me being aware of it during the day and later horrid dreams come at night. After a while, I noticed this pattern and now whenever negativity starts to fill my head, I'll try to question my thoughts and try to neutralise the negativity. If not possible, I'll distract myself with things I like to do like watching heartwarming movies and light hearted music. Not easy to do this as my mind likes to retaliate and continue with its own logic, but over time, I managed to develop some strength to overcome my head.

Has things upset u lately? It's good to talk to someone whenever you are in the unpleasant mind state-it will really help. Get someone who you are comfortable with,over the phone, someone who will not view what you are going through negatively. the person might not fully understand, but a listening ear really helps.

I have depression for six years plus now. Still taking medication (fluoxetine 60 mg) and tranxene only when absolutely needed to calm me down. Been to psy wards and even IMH and ECT, almost lost my life due to suicide but now I refuse to let this illness bring me down. Do not give up, have faith. The fact that you are able to post about your dream show that you do have some strength in you.

Written by hazel81, 30 January 2010 16:21

My savings running dry & I worry much abt financially too besides health. Geez, friends avoided me in fb too. It's saddening but I realise who are truely my frens.

Does ECT hurt or cause temp memory?

Written by Turquoise, 02 February 2010 11:42

Hi turquoise,

I do feel for you due to the plight that you are going through. I know how it's like to be short of money- I have gone through that myself. It's a vicious cycle isn't it-> depression weakens your earning power-> finances affected-> makes you more depressed when you think of your financial situtation-> earning power affected further and so the cycle goes on. Impossible it may seem to stop the cycle when it had started- but yes, the cycle can be broken once you take steps to do something about it.

Do you have many financial commitments? It is possible to reduce some of them? Saying 'no' or doing away with some transactions will help. Remember, health comes first, before money. I used to indulge in retail therapy to ease the pain due to depression. However, the relief shopping gave me was only short-lived. Over time, my money depleted to zero and I hit rock bottom and it took a while for me to come back up again.

Unfortunately, in singapore the awareness on depression is really lacking. Maybe it's because people don't talk about it as openly as in the States. Also, people tend to associate the symptoms of depression with "something wrong with your character". (I thought I was lazy, lousy and weird before I knew I had depression). The problem with this illness is that many of the symptoms are not something you can see physically-that is why many people don't see depression as an illness when it actually is. In a sense, we can't really blame them- what we can do is to talk openly about it to them if they are willing to listen. Being depressed is something like getting a bad flu- something that can be cured. We don't see someone as weird just because he/she has flu right?

ECT is normally done in courses- a session for every one, two or three days for a minimum of 6 sessions per course. Some people may need more- like 12 sessions. IT depends on the severity of the depression. For me, I went through a course at a psy ward at a general hospital where I was warded. After every session, I had a bad headache which was relieved with panadol. I did have some temporary memory loss- especially on events which happened some days before and after ECT. For example, there was a movie that I watched with a friend right after ECT, which I could not recall watching it at all! I forgot some of my colleagues names when I got back to work. It was an interesting experience :) But a few months later, my memory went back to normal. I felt more upbeat and cheerful after the course of ECT also.

Take care Turquoise.

Written by hazel81, 05 February 2010 20:48

Wow! Hazel, I look up to you. Is it done at SGH? Oh, thats scary coz I had migraine. Thks for your positive comments & brightens me. :o)

Written by Turquoise, 08 February 2010 15:40

My committments are dementia home, sole breadwinner, pub, no luxury at all.

Written by Turquoise, 08 February 2010 15:40

Hi turquoise,

My ECT sessions were done at CGH. The psy ward there was good- friendly nurses and staff. As I was last warded there four years ago, I do not know how the ward is like now. ECT sessions are only done when u agree to it.

Sole breadwinner? Wow, now I look up to you :) Do you know that you can apply for medical welfare services at any general hospital to help with your outpatient treatments and medication? You just need to approach a social worker at their office and tell them your situation. There are forms to be filled and they will ask about your financial commitments and may ask a copy of your bank statements to make sure you really need their help. Upon approval, they will issue a card that with your name on it and it will state whether they will help to either partially or fully pay for your hospital bills. It's called an MSC card. If I'm not wrong, the card lasts for 3 or 6 months and you may apply again if you still need their help.

Now that I'm back on my own two feet, I'm not using the card anymore (I used to be fully subsidised). Feel that I should not take advantage of them.

Take care.

Written by hazel81, 09 February 2010 12:18

Yes, am on msw. At SGH it's a memo. :o) U may wanna goto my facebook to view my artworks - Turquoise Artworks.

Written by Turquoise, 10 February 2010 12:43