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For the past 2 days, its been bad. I've been losing my appetite now which is simply the extreme of just the previous days when i still enjoy food, binge n purge. I simply get up ystrdae n today too feeling so afraid to eat n just don't like to eat anymore.

Good n bad. Good: I need to curb my appetite n lose weight. Bad: My family's been noticing the changes that I dun seem 2 be well n insisted that I ate. Had to lie my way thru so that I dun have to eat for these 2 days. It worked so far.

I'm physically n mentally exhausted. Exhausted not because I dun eat but I feel so week for several weeks n more so this week. I've told my family that I'm going for treatment again and I need my sisters to accompany me. I dun even know how to tell them that I'm not well. I've tried n still trying my hardest to overcome obstacles in a positive manner and cope on my own but the more I tried, the worse it gets!

Right now, I just wish that I can just stop thinking about anything worrying. I dun wish to be depressed or even suffer from eating disorder bt its still here! People say I dun try hard enuf and I need to be strong... Sigh!!! there r others worse off than me n all the more I think they r right. I dun even know what to do?

Right now, at times I do visualize myself just walking along a road n get knocked dwn, never to wake up... every time i cross the road I wish i just have the courage. No, no one know abt this... nt even my Dr. I'm just so very tired... I wish to be like a computer... shut it down when battery is low n wait for a while to recharge its battery before using it again...

the next 4 days I'm not looking forward to other than d rest. bt rest have no meaning now as I feel tired all the time. I like work n it means a lot to me bt with my state of mind n body, I get frustrated, upset n angry easily. Talked to one of my senior colleague abt my cndition n fear of losing my job. She said that my boss is not the kind to just dismiss an employee just like that. I'm still worried.

my family? I'm just so tired n at a loss how to explain to them that I dun wish to be depressed n have eating disorder. Mum said that I made her worried. that's d last thing I want her to be... Fixed mind... Can't do anything abt it. Not only her... my whole family too dun understand. I'm tired.... I feel that my limits r stretchd to the max n am breaking apart... tried hard to make things better now... but... :(