Why is it that I have this consatnt feelings of raging anger and frustration most of the time? I get frustrated easily and upset about things that is not what I expected. I feel like screaming and hitting things for as long as its able to release the feelings that seemed to be dragging me down to a dark pit.
I've stopped treatment a couple of months ago as my condition (depression and eating disorder) improves a lot. I can manage my life in general (go to work and take part time course at the same time). However, it seems that I've not expressed my real emotions to anyone for quite a while. I rather spend time on my own and have trouble socialising with people.
Generally, I think I'm feeling ok but at the same time have this instinct that something is not well yet. My eating disorder... I am constantly worrying about losing the pounds and am still bingeing/purging daily.
Is the depression still there? What can I do with my pent up emotions? about the eating issues? Now... I'm thinking about dying... I am hopeful about completing my studies and pursue my dreams but I'm still thinking it would be nice if I am gone... No bothering other people and not about my weight or my life or my stupid emotions... I've been thinking about the stack of fluoxetine that I still keep from last prescription, say about more than 50 tabs... contemplating to take half of it to ease the disrupting thots... thinking of taking more paracetamol... thinking of hurting myself...
Please help me out... I need some advice... time is ticking... i wish i can end it....
Hi,
The fact that you have thoughts of ending your life and that you are continuing bingeing showed that your depression and eating disorder are both not under control as you claimed they are.
Be true to yourself, you need help and you need to resume your medical treatment as soon as possible before you do anything that you will regret. Overdosing is not a solution to your problem but only the beginning of more complicated problems. The most URGENT and RIGHT thing to do now is to go see your psychiatrist immediately.
Besides medical treatment, you also need to seek other sources of support such as counselling, joining a support group and opening up your social circle to help you manage your depression and eating disorder. By keeping the illnesses and the bottled emotions to yourself and isolating yourself, you are just making your illnesses worse. SAMH runs a counselling service and support groups for both depression and eating disorders. You may want to contact them to join these groups and seek counselling help as a start to coming out of your self imposed isolation and journey to your recovery. Remember your life is in your hands, you can make it better by making the right decisions and doing the right things. Take responsibility for your own recovery.
Regards,
Depnet