The question was submitted
11 May 2009
Subject: Stressed Out
I'm not sure if I'm in a state of depression yet... but I am very sure that I am stressed out.
My only brother was hospitalised for kidney failure and heart attack last yr April. I've just started on a new job then. He was hospitalised for abt 6 months. I and my family visited him everyday for the 1st 3.5 months. I would rush to the hospital after work and so would my husband and my 2 young sons and we would go home at abt 8 to 10pm sometimes. Everyday means without fail including weekends and PH. The family saving starts to get exhausted and my health also slowly went from bad to worst. I had to go for and operation in October last year as my condition gets worsts. I had a blood condition. I lost my job due to health condition and the unpaid leave I had to take when my brother was in ICU initially.
Up till to date frm that October, I'm not able to secure any job. My husband only earns a nett of S$900 per months. I have 2 young sons aged 5 and 7yrs old.
My biggest problem now is...
The flat we r staying is bought under tenancy in common abt 6 yrs ago. My brother is one of the owner. Now he wants his CPF contribution to the flat back. Between me and my husband, we dun hv much in our CPF. As good as less than 30k between the 2 of us. My husband is an odd job labourer and most of the jobs he have held in the past is without CPF contribution. and as for me, I hv not worked steadily due to childcare issues over the years.
He mentioned that the bank will seal off the flat by end of this month. To be honest, I really dont know what to think anymore. I'm worried sick. My only resolution is to live on the streets or maybe just the void decks. I know my family or relatives will not sincerely help as I know them well way before today.I have no savings. My main fear and concern is my 2 sons. I've been praying and wishing for death the past 2 days cause I cant bear to think of what will happen when we r homeless. I know for sure approaching HDB will not be of any help as I am fully aware of my financial situation.
Am I depressed?
Answer from DepNet
Dear “Stressed Out”
Thank you for writing to Depnet. You feel very stressed & worried that your family may not have a place to stay by the end of this month. Regardless of whether you have depression, what seems most pressing now is how to address the problem of where to stay IF the bank is able to repossess the flat by the end of this month. It’s good that you are writing to us as the first step in looking for alternative options of managing this situation.
Please bear in mind that when we are panicking, we tend to dismiss possible avenues for help & then feel that there’s no way out. So the next important step is: NOW, take a few steps back & take a few deep breaths & calm yourself b4 checking the facts & rethink the options.
1. Tenancy-in-common: Is yr name also on the mortgage to his bank? If so, the bank also needs your consent, which you can refuse or delay. If only his name is there, the bank can’t legally “seal” the flat since you are the other legal tenant. If, in the event that they do, they need to give you sufficient written legal notice. Have they done that? Even if they did, you can still request that they delay on compassionate grounds so that you have sufficient time to find other solutions.
2. Community resources: It may be difficult to ask for help or even know where to start. So do consider making an appointment with your nearest Family Service Centre (FSC) – they there to help the heartlanders with problems that affect their family. The National FSC toll-free nbr is 1800-222 0000. Are you aware that Singapore Power has a scheme for low-income earners who have problems paying their utilities?
3. HDB home insurance: Since it’s bought 6 yrs ago, it’s likely to be covered under this insurance scheme: that if either owners lose their jobs, the insurance will prevent the loss of the flat. Please check with HDB on this.
4. Buy over the flat. Yes, seems impossible. At the very least, you'll have a place to stay & deal with the paying later. Though you are jobless now, you are not likely to remain jobless forever. Sooner or later you'll get another job & can begin to be more comfortable. In event of a sale or transfer of tenancy, HDB will refund yr brother’s CPF & restructure the mortgage with you. Remember, many others who lost their jobs in recessions also have problems paying their mortgage. HDB IS THE PLACE TO ASK FOR POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS FOR SUCH PROBLEMS!!
5. What is more important? Even if you feel that your relatives are not sincere, you may still wish to consider asking them for temporary accommodation,. Are you willing to let go of a possible chance of help? Is your dislike of their insincerity greater than yr need to find temporary shelter for your 2 sons?
6. Improving stress management. When things are more settled, you may wish to process your feelings towards this bro so that you can be more at peace. Next, reconsider a more sustainable way of showing concern without burning yrself & family out (is there a need to visit every day?) Most essential, you may wish to upgrade your stress management skills so that you can respond differently next time.
Take care
Depnet
The answer was published on DepNet
25 May 2009