I've been feeling very lost over many things and talking to my psychiatrist and psychologist has yielded little results - I either can't get the issues resolved or feel frustrated with them.
My current psychiatrist thinks that I may be suffering from OCD (She kept asking me if my thoughts are obsessional in nature). I already struggle with borderline personality disorder and bipolar and the intensity of the self-harm thoughts are driving me nuts. I often have thoughts of suicide even when I am ok but it gets worse when I feel down (depressed) or stressed. Could she be correct? I don't want her to be correct though. I don't have rituals nor am I preoccupied with order or cleanliness but she thinks that my preoccupation with suicide is indicative of OCD. I have tried to control and not act on those thoughts but have given in to minor acts of self-harm hoping that it will satisfy the urges but to no avail.
Dear “Multiple issues”
Thank you for writing to Depnet.
It seems that your psychiatrist is trying to understand your condition better so as to know how best to treat your symptoms. OCD is not entirely about order or cleanliness. To put it simply, a person may have OCD when the obsessive thoughts lead to compulsive behaviours.
Regardless of whether you have OCD or not, it appears that you struggle a lot with thoughts on self-harm, even when you’re feeling okay. As you may have discovered, it doesn’t help to give in to the self-harming thoughts. Since you’ve been talking to a psychologist too, we presume that this is an area that the psychologist is working with you, to explore ways in managing the thoughts.
Whether those self-harm thoughts are symptomatic of BPD, OCD or bipolar disorder, they are affecting your well-being. If your thoughts and behaviours are creating higher levels of distress, try to engage in less of them and re-focus your energy / time on more useful things. This switch in direction may feel strange and uncomfortable in the beginning, but with practice, you can make prompt U-turns from urges of self-harm, to lead a more enjoyable and fulfilling life.
As you’re aware, you’re facing multiple issues and hence, it’s certainly not easy to resolve them immediately. It may be helpful to relook at the little results – even though they may be small, they are, nonetheless, achievements that you’ve acquired through hard work and collaboration with the mental health professionals. Likewise, when you consider all the challenges that you have faced, it is important to also reflect upon how you have learned to manage better over time. Tapping into the skills you have already demonstrated will be useful in helping you to continue moving forward.
Regards,
Depnet