HI doctor,
I have just started a new job 4 months ago. Right into the job, i knew i couldn't fit in. I dislike the job scope and i just couldn't fit into the work environment and click my colleagues. They were like a big family while im like an outsider , sticking out like a sore thumb. Throughout the 4 months, it was living hell to me as I have tried various attempts to fit in and blend in with the work environment and culture. But the more i tried, the more unhappy i become. My colleagues were supportive and helpful but i just couldn't click with them.
Everyday at work, i live in sheer misery. And whenever Sunday arrives, i feel miserable and depressed. I feel that everyone at work is more competent than me and im failing at work. I have develop a phobia of work and i dread going to work to the point that i started entertaining suicidal thoughts. Im just so upset that i don't know how to help myself. I would rather die than to go to work. Its affecting my overall well-being.
What should i do?
Dear “Work Woes”,
It seemed that a dislike of job scope has developed into a perceived phobia about going to work because of your feelings about not fitting in & being less competent than your co-workers.
Generally, any one of the situations – new job, environment & colleagues – offers enough stress for 6 months or so. Yet it appears that you wanted to do all that & more within 4 months. It seems important to you to immediately feel that you fit in & to do your best to be more competent despite your dislike. We wonder what helped you to continue putting effort into even doing your job.
So what are your options now? Since quitting is not mentioned, is a change of job scope possible? Also, how about discussing with an objective person at work with regards to the following:
1.
What’s the evidence for your feeling less competent? Have you been told that you are doing worse than other newbies since you are not expected to be as competent as existing staff?
2.
How has your snap judgement that you “couldn’t fit in” affected your ability to allow yourself to be yourself & enjoy their support?
3.
If “the big family” is being more supportive than you are comfortable with, or if their support is not supportive, how can it be handled so that they can support you in the way you want?
4.
What’s about not clicking & “sticking out like a sore thumb” that bothers you?
5.
What’s the evidence that “a big family” is not valuing you as a new unique member of the team?
6.
In exploring what “a big family” at work means to you, it may help to remember that it is a perceived unit formed over time of diverse characters who accept & value each other’s contributions.
In the end, a job is just a job, compared to the importance of our mental wellbeing. Clearly you demand a lot from yourself & it may be helpful to address some of the issues that are holding you back from enjoying the success that you so want in your work-life flow.
Best Regards,
Depnet