I didn't expect to find a website like this in SG.
Happened to chance upon it when searching for a community type of forum for agoraphobia.
I do think i have agoraphobia.
I'm practically homebound at the moment.
I couldn't go out without someone beside me practically from my doorstep.. Even then, i still hardly go out.
I couldn't work for 1 year now. Things are pretty overwhelming for me at the moment.
I don't have panic disorder, but i have anxiety problems.
Whenever i think about going out or even stepping out from my house, i felt so scared, so uncomfortable. I have blown off so many friends all these years that i'm practically alone now.
Things started to get really scary for me last year when it escalated to the point where i found it so hard to even stepped out of my house to the nearby shop just to buy something. I even need a very close friend of mine to accompany me to walk my dog.
I happened to search the net for my issues last year after being in torment for so long.
All through the years, i managed to brush it off, thinking that maybe i'm tired of being out all the time, partying and entertaining friends, day in and out.
Thinking that it's time to stop being a social butterfly. But it's been like, i dunno, 5 years?
I just couldn't go out by myself taking public transport or alone walking down the streets, going to places with lots of people. I can't even stand being in a queue anymore without breaking out in cold sweat, thinking people are looking at me, because i thought for certain my anxiety is showing all over me.
But it's really stupid, i mean, rationally and logically, i know i'm being ridiculous, if everyone can do it, why i can't? I used to do all these stuffs every single day all the time. But i just can't..
The relief i felt last year when i finally find a term to my issue "agoraphobia", was so tremendous that i broke down crying. I felt at that moment, that i wasn't alone, i'm not going insane, there's a term for my phobia. I started to slowly told the news to my family, some friends. But to be honest, i really don't think any of them understand at all. My family is poor, and things are bad at home the way it is without me having this lousy phobia. Everyone are telling me, "Why not just go get a job?" I just feel like screaming out loud.
My sister is thinking that i'm not trying to help out at all, that i'm lazy, that i'm cooking up a phobia problem just so that i won't have to contribute.
Mum hinting at me to get a job, friends stopped talking to me when i told them i might have agoraphobia.
I wish i could do something, but seeing a psychiatrist is expensive for me at the moment.
I have tried to take it one step at a time.
Like bringing my dog out for a walk alone, but for the moment, i can only cope with bringing him out like 5am or 11pm, when minimum people are out at those times.
Sometimes, i succeed in reaching home in one piece without feeling too overwhelming. When i succeeded, the feeling of accomplishing something great is really huge. I would be really happy and giving myself a big cheer, dancing with my dog as if i conquered something huge.
But if something happened when i was out, like my dog behaving in a way that made me embarrassed, like encountering another dog and they nearly fought or something, and when we reached home, i just got so depressed, like i really couldn't do it afterall.
And then the next day, i need my friend to accompany me for the walks again. Like everything came crashing down and back to square one.
Everytime i tried my best to overcome it, it came crashing down.
Like a roller coaster. And once it crashed, i find it so hard to try again. I'm scared of the disappointment and the heavier anxiety emotionally thinking of trying again.
Like i said, rationally speaking, all of these are so stupid, so senseless, so impossible. Yet i can't deny the anxiety i feel all the time.
I get so tired and lonely and depress lately, i just feel so pointless. I have lost track of my goals, my dreams, my future.
The only thing keeping me going at the moment is my family and my dog (who became my best friend, pathetically speaking).
I'm starting to fear them dying. Whenever they went for work or just going out, and i forgot to say a quick bye to them, i feel so dreadful all day.
Thinking, what if this is the last time i am able to see them, and i can't say goodbye? I started to panic thinking my dog will die one day, i started watching for signs that he might be ill, whether he's eating well, whether he has a fever and keep telling him that i don't want him to die. If he must have to, at least don't die before me. God.. i'm getting pathetic ain't i?
I'm living my life day by day now. I don't dare or comtemplate thinking about the future, or what the future holds, or what i'm gonna be 10 years from now.
The symptoms you have described are indeed Agoraphobia There are more than 3 million people in USA (and I believe many many in Singapore as we do not have local data) suffering from this condition - leading to social isolation and under-achievement. Family members and friends may not understand the condition and misunderstand or feel helpless. People with agpraphobia may also become depressed. The treatment starts with awareness and reaching out to get help, as what you have done. Medications and psychotherapy will help a great deal. But one must dare to take those first steps to get help. Unfortunately there are no home services in Singapore catered to Agoraphobia. There are many psychological units in the general hospitals (CGH, TTSH, SGH, NUH and AH) where you can get help The condition can be treated as outpatient or inpatient (depending on the severity and the risk of defaulting due to the phobia) A 2 weeks stay with starting medications and psychotherapy may be more effective for yourself. IMH has a lot of patients and many are psychotic - so you may feel uncomfortable. However they have an inpatient rehabilitation ward that may have more intensive treatment. Getting help and not procrastinate is important in starting your recovery process.