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The question was submitted 03 December 2009

Subject: study

I have been slacking and over sleeping. The shoulder pain, grief over a loved one and the general state of the economy have discouraged me from actively looking for or staying in a job. Thus my performance have been sloppy and inconsistent and I have landed myself with just parttime jobs or ad hoc ones. Two years ago, when my dad was ill, I scrape myself together and tried very hard to get a stable full time job with some prospects, however, I was faced with all sorts of problems and the new tuition centre I was with closed. The recent parttime job which I subsequently got lasted me six months after which I resigned due to some challenging students-- the job was best described as one which no one wanted as the two previous teachers left-- the last one involving a police case. I couldn't survive that either. Then hope came in the form of a government funded ;self sponsored course which I signed up for and is now accepted. The question is now I am facing anxiety over studying as I last dropped out from my studies due to onset of my illness over fifteen years ago.I am scared that it will happen again and I may relapse. The IMH - I am an outpatient- once referred me to Job Club but foolishly; I went to take a look and I saw the ECT treatment room nearby and panicked. I have a phobia. I was worried of getting a cleaning or F&B job too as it was out of my field. Next week I'll be starting my course and I did not have to declare my condition. But I am afraid of failing even before I start. How?

Answer from DepNet

It is not uncommon for one to be apprehensive over a new role. I noted that you are worried over the the course which is starting in a week' time. Such Negative Automatic Thoughts (NAT) stem from your core beliefs and reinforced by the past 'failures'. My suggestion is that you pursue the course and monitor your stress level. At your next outpatient review, please inform your psychiatrist about how you are coping with the course. He/she may refer you to a psychologist for stress management and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. As for IMH Job Club, there are administrative jobs beside cleaning and F&B. Again, please speak to your attending occupational therapist. Wishing you all the best.

The answer was published on DepNet 13 December 2009