are you depression or are you pretending?
Written by
Anonymous
first it was problem 1, then it was over, then it was problem 2, then it was over, then it was problem 3, then i realise its me who is perceiving these problems as problems. but I am still depress over these problems until they end....and then the cycle repeats.
i don't know how to rationalize this. i am always unhappy yes, i know a lot of people here are unhappy. i know there are people who are so unhappy they decide to cut themselves or commit suicide.
- now, the question is this, is depression the cause or the consequence? am i unhappy because i am depress or because i am unhappy thats when i have depression?
-- if i am depress therefore i am unhappy, i am fully justified to say - sorry i am clinically depress, its not my fault.
-- if i am unhappy therefore i am depress, then someone else says to me - sorry, you caused your own depression, it is you who is the cause of your own misery, its ur fault.
- then if we dwell further, do we claim depression because of self-centeredness / because of mental or character laziness? because i get to rant, because i can be the victim who can be on the receiving end of listening ears, comfort and warmth and encouragement, and people tell me to take a break, and therefore i claim to be depress so i can get out of my unhappiness?
- is your depression really depression? yes i feel hopeless, but my definition of hopeless is not your definition of hopeless. maybe my definition of hopeless is very trival compared to your version of hopelessness. how can i claim absolutely that my depression is really serious enough for you to care?
- i have problems, it is the world to me, i am sucked out of my happiness every single day facing these problems. but others have problems too (maybe they don't rant, they don't have the luxury to rant), there are people who are starving, there are people who have no money, people who got cheated in a relationship, people who lost all their fortunes suddenly, people who suddenly are crippled / paralyzed, people who's relatives are suddenly crippled / paralyzed / dead. If you look at it objectively, then we should not be unhappy. But why are we still unhappy? because my problem - MY PROBLEM, I think, is a BIG PROBLEM. I don't live someone else's problem, I don't know or can't feel their problem, but MY PROBLEM is a BIG PROBLEM.
Do you see whats wrong with that?
I am really depress waking up in the morning thinking I was really better off sleeping, but I cannot justify that to anyone else who is not living my life. I cannot share my problems without being self-indulgent.
and if i caused my own depression, its not the pills i should be taking, it is my mind i should be working on.